I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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