oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
