There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
