tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
