Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
