fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
