I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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