Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize