Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
