you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
