I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
