I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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