i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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