i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Damn victory sex feels great
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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