it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
