I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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