does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
