Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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