I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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