having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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