I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We left the knife in your bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
