Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
