He asked to "fluff my boner.."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
