I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
