if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
