if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
