the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
