And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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