so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
