go do what you do best...puke behind churches
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
