how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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