wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
