Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
