You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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