Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
