Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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