well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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