True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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