i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
