Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
50% drunk capacity currently
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
