ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize