After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
