South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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