Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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