Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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