I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
