My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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