i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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