In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
