I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
