It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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