I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
