All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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