Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
