I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
