I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
