I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is Oprah even human
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
