Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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