i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
