but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
