i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
