guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
