When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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