I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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