Where is the hickey?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
