if i can run in heels then i can drive
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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