If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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