haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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