are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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